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Saturday, October 21, 2006

Homesick. Melancholy. Sad. Lonesome. Lonely. Whatever you call it, that's exactly how I'm feeling at the moment. I never thought that it will take months to move on. I've been here for 4 months and I've only moved on for like 3%. I thought as soon as I get here and start studying and meet new people, I will be preoccupied and be contented. But no, it was a mistake. Just hearing the voice of my relatives from the phone and reading those "Happy Birthday" messages always leaves a tear from my eyes. That's how strong it affects me.

I don't like it here. It has nothing to do with the country or with the people here. It's just me, I don't belong here. I miss the after school days when as soon as I reach home, I just jump in my bed and think of how exhausting my day was and it makes me feel relieved cause I've got the ambiance of home and anytime you can think of a person, you will just feel fine 'cause you know that you can be with that person anytime. Here, it has always been tiring every single minute just thinking of how upseting it is to be in a place where you don't want to be.

It's tiring to feel that no matter how I can laugh and smile, there's still this nuisance that I can't remove out of me. I envy some of my friends who moved here when they were still 2 or 4. They didn't know what was happening until they grew up and found out they were originally from Philippines. It was nothing to them, they didn't have to move on. I have to. It was big for me. It affected me. It frightens me that I might have to move on again in the future.

Yesterday, my friends and I were talking about what might happen in the future. I was having a conversation with one of them then when I turned to my other friend, I heard her say "I want to see my friends grow up, not leave!" It was catchy. It was obvious that she's scared and that she knows what might happen in the future, just like me. I can see myself moving from different countries, trying what it would be like to live there but in my imagination, I always end up in Philippines. When people ask me what I want to be when I grow up, I can imagine myself studying in another country but still, I always end up succeeding in Philippines. It's quite weird though 'cause I'm here and I should be picturing my future here.

I want to go home. :'(

Add colours to your life!!
11:12 PM
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