IMAGE IS LOADING, PLS BE PATIENT.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
Homesick. Melancholy. Sad. Lonesome. Lonely. Whatever you call it, that's exactly how I'm feeling at the moment. I never thought that it will take months to move on. I've been here for 4 months and I've only moved on for like 3%. I thought as soon as I get here and start studying and meet new people, I will be preoccupied and be contented. But no, it was a mistake. Just hearing the voice of my relatives from the phone and reading those "Happy Birthday" messages always leaves a tear from my eyes. That's how strong it affects me.
I don't like it here. It has nothing to do with the country or with the people here. It's just me, I don't belong here. I miss the after school days when as soon as I reach home, I just jump in my bed and think of how exhausting my day was and it makes me feel relieved cause I've got the ambiance of home and anytime you can think of a person, you will just feel fine 'cause you know that you can be with that person anytime. Here, it has always been tiring every single minute just thinking of how upseting it is to be in a place where you don't want to be.
It's tiring to feel that no matter how I can laugh and smile, there's still this nuisance that I can't remove out of me. I envy some of my friends who moved here when they were still 2 or 4. They didn't know what was happening until they grew up and found out they were originally from Philippines. It was nothing to them, they didn't have to move on. I have to. It was big for me. It affected me. It frightens me that I might have to move on again in the future.
Yesterday, my friends and I were talking about what might happen in the future. I was having a conversation with one of them then when I turned to my other friend, I heard her say "I want to see my friends grow up, not leave!" It was catchy. It was obvious that she's scared and that she knows what might happen in the future, just like me. I can see myself moving from different countries, trying what it would be like to live there but in my imagination, I always end up in Philippines. When people ask me what I want to be when I grow up, I can imagine myself studying in another country but still, I always end up succeeding in Philippines. It's quite weird though 'cause I'm here and I should be picturing my future here.
I want to go home. :'(
Add colours to your life!!
11:12 PM
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Wednesday, October 11, 2006
I'm so tired from school. =( Anyway, I can't get over my 13th year. Since yesterday, memories of my 13th just came back to my head. It's sad though cause it just makes me miss Philly even more. =( The other night, I was praying to God before I slept, while I was praying and thanking God for my 13th, tears suddenly came out from my eyes. I'm not exaggerating, I'm just being honest. Pictures of memories came flashing in my head. Grad, batch outing, legacy, first ever misunderstanding namin ni Mai nung school fair, intrams (my first time to join a sport for intrams), 3 months without my mom, confirmation, migrating, etc... BIG AND MEMORABLE things happened in my life when I was 13. It wasn't all fun cause God really gave me so much challenges in that year. It was good though cause it made me more tough and strong.
Today, I'm not really feeling that good. I always feel like there's a *sigh* coming out of me once in a while. I know I'm not just pressured because of school, it's more about what I'm feeling at the moment. It's my first ever birthday that I didn't celebrate in Philly. It makes a HUGE difference. I don't mean the number of people who give me presents and how good the gifts I receive there. It's about I want to celebrate this day with people I love. I just want at least see those people personally. I feel so down right now knowing that I don't have the chance to be with them. ='(
Add colours to your life!!
5:42 PM
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Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Happy Birthday to me! Haha! I'm 14. Woah! I'm old mann. :( Neh, not that bad. Uhm.. Soo I'll just talk about my birthday...
Mom woke me up for school. She was the first person to greet me. Then it was AJ and Jas, John, Tito, Karizza, Kitchie, Mao, Denice, Manju, Ina, and some other friends, 9EN, Ms. Mckeown, ate Mariel, Princess, etc... Hahaha! There was this girl during lunch, I don't know her. She just said "Happy Birthday" out loud then when I looked at her, she was looking at me and she said it again. I was like, "Thanks" Hahaha! I wasn't sure how she knew it was my birthday. She was friendly though. Haha! Then during departure, Kara, Hannah, Kim, April greeted me. Then I walked home with Ken, Kitchie and John. Then it suddenly rained HARDOUT. Like signal no.1. Haha! I was soooo happy about it though it was so dang cold and I was blown over by the wind. I was happy because I know that its God's blessing to me. The raining was only like about 10 mins. then it stopped then it got hot. Haha! God just wanted to show some lurve. ;)
While I was walking home, there was this guy inside a familiar car. When I looked down to see the plate no., I noticed it was my dad. Haha! He's picking me up 'cause he got worried about me getting wet. Oh well, too late.
When I got home, mom was cooking and she told me that she'll invite the Gondas over (ate Kaye, Ken, Princess, etc...) It was my first night to drink Vodka. Haha! It tasted like juice and it was only 5% alcohol and it was fine. But after drinking, we were all red. Haha! The alcohol effect was funny thought we didn't feel anything.
Gifts:
*painting and letter from ate Kaye (its really good)
*box of letters and a small teddy from Hannah, Kim, Kara and April
*stuff toy and letter from Ken
*Small lamp thing from Princess
*Lipgloss and bracelet from Rochelle
Add colours to your life!!
9:35 PM
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Sunday, October 01, 2006
It was ate Tid's Sweet 16th yesterday. I went to Westfield to buy a top, earrings and gift. Then when we got home I ate and got dressed then went to Kitchie's house to catch a ride with her. So we left their house and went to Glen Eden. When we got there, there were a bunch of year 9 boys hanging outside. It was a bit awkward. Haha. So we got in and went to where our other friends were sitted. Then ate Tid asked us to help serve the foods and the utensils, so we did. Twas a bit fun. Haha. And then it was time to get food. When we sat on our table, we suddenly noticed that everyone has utensils except us. HAHA. So we served utensils but forgot about ourselves. Haha. Then we lined up but when we got there, we decided just to eat pasta so we went back because that pasta is already in our table. So we ate...
Time na for the 16 wishes. DAAAANG! Gosh, all of us got nervous 'cause we have to say our wishes for ate Tid infront of everyone. Then after an hour of 16 wishes, it was time to sing happy birthday for ate Tid.
After that, biglang nag lights out then louder music. WOOT! Time to daaaance. Yea. I got sooo high. Haha! But I didn't dance that much but we really want to but it would be embarrassing. Yea... It wasn't that long though, nag-end din agad. Daym! Haha!
Then Kitchie and I went home na. Kitchie dropped me off. Baiiit. :D Haha!
I got home at 12 somethin. Yea. :D
Add colours to your life!!
4:03 PM
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