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Friday, May 05, 2006

untitled.

I'm about to sleep now but I guess its too early pa. Hindi din ako aantokin. Thoughts will just run in my head and I don't want that to happen. Sometimes kasi bad thoughts eh. Ngayon pa naman I have so many worries. Oh well. Poor me.

BTW, Audrey called earlier. I was shocked. No, just a bit. Why? Tagal na namin di naguusap. I can't even remember the last time we talked on the phone. She was just asking me why I was going to leave and she also told me stories about some things happening in her life now. After talking to her, I missed my friends more. Specially friends whom I haven't talked for a long time.

Everytime I think about my friends, I always get excited of going back to school but at the end, the thought of me leaving for NZ still enters my head and it just makes me disappointed.

What I'm experiencing now is a bit hard for me.

  1. My parents are asking me to be ready for the changes I'm going to encounter there.
  2. I still can't believe that sooner I'm going to live in a cold country where mostly everything will be different.
  3. I'm having a hard time detaching myself to the things I have learned to love, Philippines, AA, my friends, my other relatives, our house, my room, my bed, our van, everything.
  4. I want to feel the excitement of my other friends being in HS, having new books and new subjects, worrying who their teachers will be, scared yet excited for the Kapatiran and other activities, etc.
  5. If here I can call up my friends and my relatives and invite them to go out whenever I miss them, there it would be different. I can see myself just crying because I can't do anything about it.
  6. What will my school look like, what are the subjects I'm going to study, will the people there treat me nicely?

Whenever my parents ask me if I'm psyched to go there I always answer yes. Honestly, I am. 'Cause it will be my first time to go to another country. Still, there's a difference between "excited to go there" and "excited to live there". If your going to ask me if I'm excited to live there, just a bit. I'm so used to the things I've been doing here. I'm also scared that I might experience culture shock 'cause I don't know that country and I don't know how they live their lives there.

So there. Such a senti post. Honestly, I cried while I was making this. Drama queen much.

I'll go now. I will just eat the Amazing Aloha that my dad bought earlier for my midnight snack. Thoughtful dad award.

Good night, everyone. I miss you all. Love you all. Sweet dreams!


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10:09 PM
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